Is Proverbs 22:6 a Guarantee?

I was raised being taught that if a Godly parent raises a child in a Godly way that the child will grow up to be Godly. Anytime a parent was struggling with a child, inevitably someone at church would quote Proverbs 22:6 and tell them to hang in there. Ok, so maybe they didn’t actually say “Hang in there!” Most often they’d use Christianese and it would come out as “We’re praying for you,” “God will take care of this,” or something sounding equally as spiritual. Looking back on my tenure in ministry, I’ve seen that Proverbs 22:6 just doesn’t play well in real life.

Before you boil the oil and pluck the chickens, let me explain. What I mean is that the common interpretation of Proverbs 22:6 just doesn’t hold true. The common interpretation of the verse is that God guarantees that children raised in Godly homes will eventually come back to their spiritual roots, even if they should stray from the path for a while, and become Godly people. The assumption is that God is guaranteeing that Godly parenting equals Godly children.

The major translations render the verse like this:

NIV - Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

ESV - Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

NLT - Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.

NRS - Train children in the right way, and when old, they will not stray.

CEB - Train children in the way they should go; when they grow old, they won't depart from it.

NASB - Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.

NKJ - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

KJV - Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

At first glance, this proverb sounds like a magnificent promise to parents. I think most parents desire that their children turn out well. I believe most Christian parents pray that their children become believers and remain faithful to the truths they’ve been taught for their entire lives; passing their faith on to subsequent generations. For believing parents who have a child who has wandered away from Jesus, they cling to this promise as the hope of an eventual and inevitable return of their child to the faith.

Is it legitimate for Christians to cling to Proverbs 22:6 as a guarantee from God that their children will remain faithful, or return to the faith? Sadly, no. It’s a misinterpretation and mishandling of God’s word to do so. God guarantees many things to Christians in the Bible; benefits for living faithfully, but these guarantees nowhere inform parents that children reared in faithful homes will turn out to be faithful believers.

Some context on Proverbs 22:6

Proverbs 22:6 is proverbial literature. Proverbial literature was never intended to be prescriptive or proscriptive. Rather, proverbial literature was designed to be descriptive. I like what one commentator said, “A proverb is a literary device whereby a general truth is brought to bear on a specific situation.” What this means is that proverbial literature was never designed to give absolutes, but general observations on and principles for life. Let me give you an example or two. It is said, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Does this mean that if you love someone you should stay away from them at all costs? No. It is a general observation that if you are separated from someone you love you will desire to be with them even more than if you were present. What about, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Does that mean that if you eat an apple every day that you will never get sick? No. The general principle is that if you eat healthy foods the likelihood of you getting ill is diminished. They are general observations and principles for life, not absolutes. The same is true for biblical proverbs. Solomon and the biblical writers were making Divinely inspired observations about life. Because God intended them to be such, they are to be interpreted as such.

In the Ancient Near Eastern culture of the 8^th century BCE, it was common for there to be different classes of people. One such class was royalty. Royalty, including princes, squires, and the like, received special treatment. Young men of the royal class would often begin their specialized training in mid to late adolescence. It was this training that prepared them for their later and eventual responsibilities. Those not of a special class simply learned their father’s trade from the time they were able to do so. It was this kind of training to which the writer or Proverbs 22:6 refers.

The text of Proverbs 22:6

An examination of the text of Proverbs 22:6 bears out Solomon’s intent.

Train up – The verbal imperative here is used only five times in the Old Testament. The four other uses besides Proverbs 22:6 all refer to dedicating or initiating buildings for a particular use. All eight times the Hebrew noun form is used it is used in reference to the initiation or dedication of sacred objects for religious use. Four times the Aramaic cognate of the word is used in the Old Testament. Every time it is used it refers to the same thing; the dedication or initiation of a sacred object or building for a particular use. These initiations or dedications were accompanied by celebrations and responsibilities conferred on the initiate, building, object. They were being inducted into a life of service with a particular purpose and honored for that service. To superimpose the meaning “train” in a pedagogical sense on the term in Proverbs 22:6 is linguistically and hermeneutically illegitimate. The word means to initiate or dedicate for a particular function.

Child – One would think that the word child would be simple enough, but is it? The term is not age specific, but status oriented. Of all the times the word is used in the Old Testament, the age span is so diverse that age can’t be the primary focus of the word. It’s used of those in various stages of infancy from newborn to three-month olds (Judg. 13:5-12; 1 Sam. 1:22; 4:21; Ex. 2:6). It is also used of Joseph when he was 17, already a man in that culture (Gen. 37:2), and when he was 30 years old (Gen. 41:12, 46). Translating the word as “child, lad, young man, or even servant” are inadequate and give a false impression of the word.

The term is, however, frequently used of adults engaging in special duties: war (1 Sam. 17:33, 42), priest (Judg. 18:3-6), spy missions (Josh. 6:22), personal attendant to a patriarch, prophet, priest, king, or prince (Gen. 18:7; 2 Kgs. 5:1-27; 1 Sam. 1:22; 2 Sam. 9:9; 13:17) or supervisor of a labor royal force (1 Kgs. 11:28). Furthermore, this term is frequently applied to those in an upper-class societal role with no uses of the term for those of “lowly birth” in the historical books of the Old Testament.

The term refers to someone born of nobility and at an age when he can be considered an initiate for a duty or role in society. Thus, initiate may be the better translation. The child in view in Proverbs 22:6 is not an infant, younger child, or even young adolescent. Rather, the child in view is one who is such an age to begin being initiated into holding adult responsibilities. If I had to put a modern age range on it, I’d say somewhere in the 16+ range, but I really can’t be that dogmatic. The point is that the child in view is not so young that the parents can still force compliance out of him.

In the way he should go – The phrase literally reads in his way. If the child in view is an initiate to a life-long task, then the meaning is that one is to dedicate, initiate, train that person according to and in preparation for his particular life-long role in society. This takes into account his developmental limitations and need for instruction and tailors his preparation to his status and role. Again, there is no spiritual pedagogy in mind for children. Whatever the occupation is that the initiate is later to follow, it is necessary to prepare him for it in his early years, because that’s when habits are formed which influence his conduct in manhood.

Neither text nor context, then, allows for us to superimpose child rearing onto Proverbs 22:6; let alone transform it into a guarantee of our children’s future Godliness.

The Problem of Choice

Every human being has been given a beautifully dangerous gift by God; a will – the ability to make choices. Sometimes we make wise, God-honoring choices and sometimes we make foolish, selfish, sinful choices. As believers, we have a new nature that wants to submit to God and His way of life, but we also have a sinful flesh that desires sinful, selfish things. God never forces us to submit to him in violation of our ability to choose. He will, in the life of the believer, often work through circumstances and consequences to bring His wandering child back to a place of willful fidelity to Himself, but He never violates our choice in the doing of it. Scripture holds true that God always allows people to make their own decisions. He does not force them to do what is right.

What should a Christian parent think when they have a child whom they’ve reared to be Godly but the child chooses to live opposite of what they’ve been taught? What they can’t do is blame God for not fulfilling His word based on this verse. This proverb clearly does not state a Scriptural promise. A general principle? Yes, but not an absolute promise. If this was an absolute promise, then every time a child who has been reared in a Christian home, and taught consistently and honestly to love God, rebels and chooses not to submit to God’s way of life, then God would be declared a liar. The ability of human choice negates this verse as an absolute guarantee.

What To Do? What To Do?

What do we do now? If Proverbs 22:6 is not a guarantee that children reared in Christian homes will eventually return to fidelity to the faith, should they wander, then what are Christian parents to do? If, as was shown above, both the context and text of Proverbs 22:6 removes the specific pedagogic application of the verse, does that mean there are not implications for child-rearing for Christian parents? No, not at all. I believe there are valid some principles that can be drawn from the proverb that have bearing on Christian child rearing.

The child in view in the proverb is being initiated and given the respect and recognition for the status being bestowed upon him. The child’s initiation would have been accompanied by praise and celebration. When Christian parents are initiating their children in the tenets of the faith and teaching them to love and submit to Jesus, we need to do so with joy and celebration. We need to teach our children that Christianity isn’t a faith of don’t and bad boy, but a fulfilling relationship with the Father through the Son. We need to praise our children for choosing to love and submit to Jesus rather than constantly scold them for poor behavior. Don’t get me wrong. Proverbs 13:24 and 23:13 are still inspired Scripture. But even in the way we discipline our children we can emphasize and reinforce the positives of Christianity. If given this type of upbringing, when our children get older there is a greater degree of certainty that they will choose to live for God rather than rebel.

Interpreting this verse poorly only adds to the guilt parents already feel when their older children choose to rebel against what they’ve been taught (cf. Prov. 10:1). There is no room for guilt in this proverb. First, it’s important to remember that the verse is alluding to older adolescents (late teens) and young adults, not younger children. Parents can still enforce compliance with their younger children; this is not the case in this proverb. The proverb is referring to the child who is at a point of being able to make independent decisions and live with the consequences. That removes a lot of guilt when our children are younger.

Any honest parents, including Christian parents, will admit they’ve not always done everything right in rearing their children. My kids are young, and I already know that I’ve blown it at times. This proverb, correctly understood, reminds us that our children do have to make their own choices when they become adults and leave our homes; we can’t choose fidelity to Christ for them. We can lovingly and faithfully pray, instruct, pray, model, pray, encourage, pray, correct, pray, model, pray, instruct, pray, encourage, pray, correct, ad infinitum, but we cannot force them to choose to live for God. This realization, though it does not remove concern for our children, should remove the guilt many parents feel over their child’s ungodly choices.

Remember, though this verse is not a guarantee that erring children will return to fidelity to God, it is still a Divinely inspired proverb. Proverbs, are general truths that describe life situations. God put Proverbs 22:6 in the Bible for a reason. When Christian parents faithfully initiate their children into the faith there is a greater likelihood of their children personalizing and embracing the faith, only to live faithfully themselves, than there is that their children will rebel. So don’t lose heart and fail to initiate your children to the faith at an early age. Our children are the closest and most precious member of our gospel networks, mission fields, or as we call it at my church, our oikos. This is especially important as children become older and are faced with life decisions beyond learning the basics of the faith. Older children, teens, college-aged children face challenges parents today never even imagined facing. Those are the moments they need the best and most faithful attention. Those are the game changer moments where Christian parents can have life-long impact for God.

Some Final Thoughts

Even though Proverbs 22:6 doesn’t guarantee our children’s future choices; it’s still important for us to give our children a spiritual education when they’re young and adult life-path preparation/guidance as they grow (cf. Deut. 6:6-7, 20-25). The goal of parenting is to prepare our children for adulthood. The goal of Christian parenting is to prepare our children to choose to live faithfully before God as adults. This means we introduce them to the Gospel (sin, sin’s consequences, love, grace, mercy, Jesus) at an early age. We model for them what a vibrant, honest, faithful relationship with God through Christ ought to look like. Notice, I said “honest’. We’re not perfect. When we teach our children that to live for Jesus means to live perfectly and then they see us blow it, and typically not owning up to it, aren’t we really just modeling hypocrisy before our children? Don’t expect yourself to be perfect. Live faithfully and honestly before your children, admit when you’ve blown it, ask for forgiveness (from them) when you need to, enjoy living for Jesus, and determine to live the Christian life as honestly and faithfully as you can. Your children will see, throughout their lives, that you’re a growing work of God and that living the Christian life can be normal…and fun. When you live for God before your children, what you’re giving them is a spectacular window into what it could be like for them to choose Jesus and live for Him. They’ll see that Christianity is normal, not just Dad and Mom’s religion.

Lastly, while my children are not at the stage where they are ready to move into independent life, as a pastor I’ve walked through difficult times with parents whose children have entered adulthood and rebelled against God. I’ve reminded them of something we often forget. While Proverbs 22:6 may not be an absolute guarantee, there are other Scriptures that are upon which you can rest. If your backsliding child is truly a believer, then God promises that He will not leave them in their rebellion (cf. John 6:39-40; 10:27-28; Heb. 13:5). God is faithful, and while we have the freedom to choose whether or not to live for God, God will not let His true children go without discipline and restoration (Heb. 12:5-11). So, if you’re in that situation in life where you have done your best to initiate your child in the ways of the faith and they have rebelled in their adulthood, don’t despair. If they are truly believers, then God will work on their hearts and bring them back to Himself.

“What if He doesn’t?” is the question that usually follows here. My response? Are you (parent) God? Has your child died in his rebellion? My point is that we are not God and that as long as our child lives there is hope either for his restoration (assuming he is a genuine Christian) or his salvation. This may or may not happen in our lifetime, so we pray, love our children, and remain faithful in our walk with God; leaving our children in His capable hands.