Divorce & Remarriage: A Sticky Wicket, part 1

Recently, I was asked to fill in teaching a friend’s Bible study class; tackling Matthew 5:31-32, particularly the subject of divorce and remarriage. Other friends, who were not able to be in the class, have asked my view on the topic. The topic of divorce and remarriage is one of great import in the Christian community. Rarely can Christian families say they have been untouched by divorce. The divorce rate in America hovers around 50%. Sadly, the rate of divorce in the Christian community equally hovers near the 50% mark. Not only does the issue of divorce and remarriage affect our personal lives, but Christians are, by and large, left in a quandary because of the varied interpretations on the topic. The matter of divorce and remarriage is complicated and large, so before any biblical or logical discussion of divorce and remarriage can occur, Christians must understand the high view God takes of the marriage union.

What Is Marriage?

When answering the question What is marriage? it’s simplest to identify what it is and what it is not from a biblical/theological perspective. Marriage is not of human origin. As such, it is not merely a human invention of expedience brought on by social evolution. If this were true, then marriage could be redefined, set aside, or regulated by mankind according to its whims. Contra this idea is the biblical truth that marriage is the God-ordained, God-instituted foundational human social relationship (Gen. 2:18-24). As such, the institution of marriage will not be dispensed with by God until the age to come when human history, as we know it, has ended and eternity has begun (Mark 12:25; Lk. 17:26-27). If God instituted and ordained marriage, then only God has the right to define and regulate marriage; including whether to allow for its dissolution and to establish the circumstances under which that dissolution is permissible. Marriage is a foundational institution. It was the first formal societal relationship to be instituted by God after Creation. All human society is founded on the cornerstone of the marriage relationship. Therefore, all attacks upon marriage are, ultimately, attacks upon God who instituted it (Gen. 2:18ff) and upon the Church, the Bride of Christ (Eph. 5:22ff). Marriage is not merely an institution designed for the propagation of the human race. While God did ordain that marriage is the only appropriate institution wherein human reproduction should take place; marriage is not biologically necessary for reproduction to occur. Marriage is much more than merely a legally and morally acceptable venue for reproduction. Reproduction is merely one sub-purpose of marriage. Finally, marriage is not merely a sexual union. A sexual union is not to be equated with the biblical marriage union (Ex. 22:16-17). Marriage does authorize (Heb. 13:4) and assume (1 Cor. 7:3-5) sexual union and pleasure, but sexual union does not necessarily imply a biblical marriage.

What Is Marriage All About?

The God-ordained institution of marriage is God’s answer to human loneliness. Companionship is the essence and basic building block of marriage. The biblical idea of a companion is one with whom you enter into a union. It is the one with whom you share your most intimate goals, thoughts, plans, efforts, desires, etc. and with whom you can satisfy your most intimate desires and fantasies. Only a spouse qualifies in this regard. God has designed mankind so that the adult human being’s need for companionship, save for those exceptions God has chosen to live single-celibate lives, can only be met by an adult member of the opposite sex, and only appropriately in the bonds of marriage. This need cannot be properly met by children, parents, grandchildren, or anyone other than one’s spouse.

Marriage is God’s picture of the relationship of Jesus Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:22ff). Marriage typifies the relationship of Jesus Christ, as the loving, sacrificial husband, with the Church, as the submissive, loving bride. Any disruption, dissolution, denial, or distortion of God’s prescription for marriage mars this example.

What about singlehood, you may ask? Single living is not good in God’s general estimation (Gen. 2:24). Rather, companionship via the institution of marriage is God’s general design for humanity. Due to sin and its effects on society, some choose to live single lives while attempting to enjoy the benefits and pleasures intended for marriage through a perpetual “dating” life. Due to sin and its effects, some marriages end in divorce, and in some cases remarriage is prohibited biblically causing the divorced individuals to live single-celibate lives or be reconciled to their spouses. God does, in some minority cases, call individuals to lead single-celibate lives as exceptions to His rule. It should be pointed out that this is for the express purpose of the spread of the gospel and the expanse of His kingdom and is not His general rule. Those whom God does call to live single-celibate lives have been graciously gifted to be content as single people and to have no need for the companionship of a spouse (cf. Matt. 19:11-12; 1 Cor. 7:7, 32-34). Furthermore, it should be noted that nowhere in Scripture does God expect, command, or imply that clergy are automatically called to live single-celibate lives; just the opposite is true (cf. 1 Tim. 3:2).

Positions on Divorce and Remarriage Within Christianity

There are four basic positions on the matter of divorce and remarriage within the broadest scope of Christianity. Before summarizing them, I must make a disclaimer. I am not presenting a smorgasbord of options from which to choose based on which you like best or which best fits your current situation. Not all of these positions attempt a biblical basis or are biblically tenable. We can’t simply choose which one we like, but must evaluate the positions based on what God has revealed in the Bible. That said, these four positions represent the basic thought on the topic within those who claim to be leaders within Christianity.

No Divorce, No Remarriage, No Exceptions

The first position on this subject seems, at first blush, to be the most biblical, but in truth it is biblically inaccurate. The beliefs of this position can be enumerated thus:

1. The original creative intention and desired will of God is that marriage be permanent until death.

2. Neither God Himself nor God through Moses commanded divorce (Deut. 24:1-4).

3. The explanation the NT gives for allowing divorce in the OT is the hardness of the people’s hearts (Matt. 19:8).

4. Paul asserts that the fundamental teachings of Jesus must be followed precisely, that the wife should not leave/divorce her husband and vice versa (1 Cor. 7:10-11).

5. Remarriage is only permissible without sin for a widow/widower, if the marriage is to another believer.

6. Remarriage following divorce, by either spouse, constitutes an act of adultery (Matt. 5:32; 19:9).

7. Any marriage to a divorced person constitutes adultery (Matt. 5:32; 19:9).

8. When a divorce does occur, the only two options for the divorced persons are reconciliation or a single/celibate life (1 Cor. 7:11).

While all of these points are true, this position fails to entertain the full discussion by the biblical text on the matter; ignoring the exceptions given by both Jesus Christ (Matt. 5:32; 19:9) and the stipulations laid out by the Apostle Paul (1 Cor. 7:15) which we will look at in a future article. Because of this, I believe this position to be biblically naïve and to give an inaccurate presentation of what Scripture says about the topic.

Divorce, but No Remarriage

The second position on the matter of divorce and remarriage within Christianity holds the following:

1. The original creative intention and desired will of God is that marriage be permanent until death.

2. Married couples should not seek to resolve their problems via separation or divorce (1 Cor. 7:10; Mark 10:9; Matt. 19:6).

3. In cases where separation or divorce does occur, those involved must remain single-celibate or be reconciled only to each other (1 Cor. 7:11).

4. The spouse who initiates divorce causes the divorced spouse, should he/she remarry, and the new spouse to commit adultery and is therefore morally culpable for their sin (Matt. 5:27-32).

5. The exception clause of Matt. 5:32 absolves the divorcing spouse from any moral culpability in his/her adulterous spouse’s sin because the cheating spouse is already guilty of adultery, but it does not free him/her to remarry.

6. The abandonment clause in 1 Cor. 7:15 is viewed in the same way as the exception clause of Matt. 5:32 is - the divorced spouse is freed from the sin caused by the divorce, but is not free to remarry.

Once again, this position does not present the whole truth of Scripture, but chooses to interpret it to support a presupposed position. In doing so, this position makes egregious interpretational errors with Scripture.

Divorce & Remarriage Under a Variety of Circumstances

This position is by far the most lenient and open position on the matter. Its tenets can be summed up thus:

1. God’s goal in marriage is a lifelong union, within which two people love one another and enrich on another’s lives.

2. Because human beings are marred by sin, it will not always be possible for a marriage to attain this ideal. In some cases, hard-heartedness may so distort the marriage relationship that a divorce is the best one can do.

3. Hard-heartedness may be displayed in a variety of ways: mental and physical abuse, sexual abuse, repeated adulteries, emotional or spiritual abandonment, or just irreconcilable differences.

4. It is the sole responsibility of either the husband or wife to determine whether or not the marriage is really over and it is time to divorce; God really has no say or authority in the matter.

5. All persons who divorce have the right to remarry regardless of the circumstances surrounding the divorce.

6. Persons who have divorced and are remarried have the right to be fully involved in the life of the local church, without prejudice or restriction irrespective of title or position.

This position really makes no effort to understand the clear teaching of Scripture on the topic, nor does it attempt to employ it in its own defense. This is clearly the most unbiblical of all the positions on divorce and remarriage out there.

Divorce & Remarriage for Adultery or Desertion

This position on divorce and remarriage is, perhaps, the most common position within mainline evangelical Christianity. The position can be stated like this:

1. The original creative intention and desired will of God is that marriage be permanent until death.

2. Because of sin, God permitted and regulated divorce, but He did not institute it. All divorce has repercussions: physical, emotional, spiritual, ecclesiastical, etc. Therefore, even in the case of the exceptions, divorce is never the first response of the offended spouse.

3. Jesus allowed for one valid reason a spouse is allowed to divorce and remarry: adultery on the part of the divorced spouse - the sin and responsibility here lie with the adulterous spouse (Matt. 5:32).

4. 1 Cor. 7:15 allows that if an unbelieving spouse deserts a believing spouse, because of their religious differences, then the believer is no longer under the obligations of that marriage bond and is free to divorce and remarry. The sin and responsibility lie again with the deserter, not the deserted.

This position seems to be the most biblically consistent. Marriage is not demeaned, but neither is it always permanent. This position understands that it is not God’s ultimate desire that marriage end except by death, but because He instituted and ordained marriage He alone has the right to regulate when and how it is permissible to end it prior to death. God, in this position, gives only two permissible circumstances. First, when a spouse violates the marriage vow by sexual perversion, immorality, or adultery, the innocent and faithful spouse has the right (if they choose to do so) to end the marriage through divorce. The assumption of Scripture is that they are also free to remarry without fear of being in sin. Secondly, Paul expands on Jesus’ teaching by stating that if a non-Christian spouse deserts a Christian spouse because of Christianity, then the Christian spouse is free to divorce and remarry; otherwise he/she is to be content to remain married to their non-Christian spouse.

Summing Up

Marriage is much more than merely a human invention of convenience. God takes a very high view of marriage. We, as human beings and more specifically as Christians, should not lightly dismiss what God has ordained. We, the Christian community, must recognize that there is a great deal of emotion and confusion involved in this topic, and that none of us is exempt from its effects. The issue of divorce and remarriage impacts us all at some point and on some level. Since, as I’ve demonstrated here, there is no consensus within the Christian community on the subject, it is imperative that we not approach the topic from the standpoint of personal experience or societal acceptance. Doing so only leads to serves to add fuel to a fire that gives heat but no light. As Christians, we believe that Scripture is our sole infallible, authoritative source for life and godliness. Since Scripture maintains that God ordained and instituted marriage, we, as His people, must allow God to instruct and inform us as it pertains to the permanency and dissolution of marriage. Therefore, we must delve into the Bible to ascertain what God, the Creator of marriage itself, says about the topic. That, we shall do next.