Shall We Dance?

A handful of years ago, I purchased a package of ballroom dance lessons at a Fred Astaire Dance studio for

my wife for Christmas. What was to be 4 lessons turned into 2 years of weekly lessons. I must say, I enjoyed it very much; dancing with my wife every week, learning new dances, and having a great deal of fun.

As a result of my exposure to the world of ballroom dance, one of my favorite movies became, and please don’t tell my wife, Shall We Dance, starring Richard Gere, Susan Sarandon, and Jennifer Lopez. It’s one of the funniest movies out there, and pretty clean too. In the movie, Richard Gere plays a bored estate lawyer who decides to take ballroom dancing lessons without his wife’s knowledge. At first, you might think that the only reason for Gere’s desire to dance is Jennifer Lopez, but soon learn that it goes much deeper than that. Of course his wife, played by Susan Sarandon, suspects her husband is being unfaithful and hires a quirky private investigator and his honest but brazen sidekick to follow him. They find nothing, which is good because he’s been completely faithful.

I was thinking about this movie and ballroom dancing in general the other day and how apt a metaphor it is for marriage. Marriage has phases, seasons of life; seasons which can be represented by ballroom dance.

During our time on the dance floor, my wife and I learned to waltz. The waltz is a steady, 1, 2, 3 box step. It is measured, stable, predictable, and, when done correctly, very beautiful. It brings a man and woman into harmony with the man, as the frame, gently leading and the woman following; beautifully displayed in all her glory. Marriage can be just like a waltz. When the husband leads, following Christ as his example, and the woman follows, then marriage becomes a thing of great beauty. The waltz is the backbone of a good marriage. It is the stabilizing beat and pattern upon which a couple can depend, but if all you do is waltz a couple can get bored very quickly.

Two of my favorite dances were the foxtrot and the hustle. They’re both fun dances, but worlds apart. The slow, slow, quick, quick pace of the foxtrot lends itself to a variety of twists, turns, and fun patterns. When a couple is in sync and relaxed, the dance is fun, flirtatious, and precise. The hustle is a bit less precise, but with its turns and spins, it’s just pure fun. Marriage has times when it’s just as fun and flirtatious as these dances, but making it fun means precision and practice, and a commitment to spontaneity in the dance. Hesitate, and they both get ugly. Hesitate in marriage; fail to learn your partner, fail to commit wholly, let the spontaneity die and marriage gets ugly and the fun instantly becomes work.

The salsa and tango are passionate dances characterized by passion, romance, and sensuality. The salsa is fast-paced and precise, while the tango is close, trusting, and intimate. They can be complicated. There are steps to be learned and beats to follow. Miss a beat or misstep just a bit and the whole dance is thrown off kilter. The passion, romance, and sensuality of marriage is not unlike the salsa and the tango. It takes time to get it right; learning your partner and staying on rhythm. When you do, those seasons of passion and sensuality in your marriage will smolder deeply like the tango until ignited and released in a passionate salsa.

Marriage has seasons. Sometimes, you dance a salsa or tango - all passion and sensuality. Sometimes you dance a hustle or foxtrot – fun, flirtatious. Sometimes you dance waltz – measured, stable, predictable, and beautiful. When my wife and I were taking ballroom lessons one of the instructors complimented us on some choreography we danced for a holiday recital. It had elements of all of the dances mentioned earlier and was a lot of fun to learn and do. I will never forget what she said, “You guys did great! I was amazed. You were in perfect harmony. It’s like you’d been dancing together for years.” Though we’d only been taking lessons for less than a year, we had been dancing together for years.

What makes ballroom dancing seem so effortless and seamless? It’s commitment, but it’s not commitment to the beat or the steps as much as it is a commitment to your partner. Couples who’ve danced together for years know each other, can anticipate each other, and can make each other’s missteps look beautiful. At the end of Shall We Dance, Richard Gere’s character has been given permission by his wife to attend a dance party with Jennifer Lopez. Harmless, but Sarandon’s character goes to work instead of going to the dance with her husband. As she’s working Gere comes up the elevator in a tuxedo; holding a single rose. “Why aren’t you at the party?” she asks. “Oh, because it’s a dance, and to dance you need a partner. My partner is right here. Beverly, dance with me?” Laughing she says, “I don’t know how.” “Yeah, you do. You’ve been dancing with me for 19 years.”

Regardless of what season of life you’re going through, commit to the Lord first and your partner above all else. Sometimes you may not know the steps, you may, like me, be rhythmically challenged, but dance. It’s worth it.