Statistics hold that Evangelical couples who are active in their faith and involved and committed to a church community are 35% less likely to divorce (cf. Christians Are Hate-Filled Hypocrites…And Other Lies You’ve Been Told – available on Amazon). The problem in the Church, according to sociologist Charles Stokes, are the nominal Evangelicals who rarely or never attend church – who just don’t plug into a loving church community. These couples are at a much higher risk of divorce and family fracture (www.family-studies.org). Regardless of the statistics, every marriage that ends in divorce hurts people. Every child who turns his/her back on their upbringing and runs from God hurts people. Every unhappy, broken, fighting set of parents hurts people. All of this hurts the family, the Church, and ultimately the cause of Christ.
The point is simple: families stand in need of daily prayer. My family stands in need of daily prayer. YOUR family stands in need of daily prayer. But the question is not so simple: how do we pray for our families?
The apostle Peter wrote these words, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing." (1 Pet. 3:7-9 ESV) This passage from the Bible reminds us that our family lives impact our spiritual lives, and call into importance the need for praying for one another in our families.
Before we answer the question of “How?” let’s take a moment to consider the “Why?” Why should you pray intentionally and purposefully for your family every day?
Why should we regularly pray for one another in our families?
Prayer promotes unity in your family. It’s difficult to argue with someone you are taking before God and praying for on a daily basis. Putting your family’s needs before your own, and giving them to God, unites you with your family in a wonderful way. Prayer promotes emotional intimacy within your family. If you’re going to pray effectively for your family, there must be a level of mutual trust and emotional vulnerability. When you intercede for one another in your family, the emotional intimacy you experience only increases; which builds unity, by the way. Prayer invites God into your family relationships. For the Christian, leaving God out of the family matrix is like leaving the sugar out of your cake. It looks all light and fluffy on the outside, but all the sweetness is lost and it’s just a bland thing on your plate. Prayer changes relationship tensions in your family. When you’re praying for your family something wonderful happens. You stop worrying about how your wife has offended you and start being concerned about how you have wronged her. You stop getting irritated that your parents are too hard on you and start seeing that they have a really big job to do. In other words, you start serving instead of being served. That changes relationship tension.
So, back to the original question, “How do you pray for your family?” Since the family is made up of a few basic relationships, I want to address the question relationship by relationship.
Wives, how can you pray for your husbands?
As a pastor, I’ve had wives come to me and complain about their husbands. I’ll be honest, I get a bit defensive when a woman rails on her man; particularly when she’s bought into the Oprah-esque, man-hating, husband-deprecating philosophy of the day. I had a woman a few years back tell me that she stopped praying for her husband because not even God could fix that kind of stupid. Ladies, I’m going to be honest with you. There is a saying in evangelism that says, “What you win them with is what you win them to.” Let me put it another way. If you expect your husband to be an insensitive, doltish, sluggish, emotionally detached man-baby, that’s exactly what you’re going to get. God has called you to be a submissive, supportive, loving partner with your husband. When you take your husband to God, in the right way – asking for the right things, I think you’ll be amazed at the man of God he can be to you and your family. Here’s a few suggestions for praying for your husband.Pray that his satisfaction comes from God alone. Men are often more ambition-driven than their wives. Their sense of satisfaction can come from variety of areas: job success, financial stability, family security, marital relationship, health, stamina, leadership abilities, community standing, etc. When such things are out of sync, men can get insecure and lack a sense of true satisfaction in life; tempting them to seek it from sources they shouldn’t. Wives, if you want to protect your marriage from infidelity, pornography, apathy, and a host of other things that can steal your husband away from you, then stop trying to satisfy his every need yourself. Pray that your husband would find his ultimate satisfaction in his relationship with God before his relationship with you. Your husband’s heart needs to be protected from “the satisfaction drift” that comes when his insecurities take over. (Psa. 107:9; Matt. 6:8)
Pray that he is a man of the Word. The world offers so many “quick fixes” and “the next best thing” that can tempt men to compromise God’s truth for the world’s lies. There are many things out there that try to supplant God’s Word and tempt your husband to rely on the world’s wisdom for defining what it means to be a man. If you want your husband to be a real man, then pray that he gets saturated by Scripture and lives it out in his life. Your husband needs God’s wisdom if he’s going to be the man God wants him to be. (Prov. 3:7-8; James 1:5)
Pray that he’ll have the courage to admit that he needs God. Men, by their very nature, are independent creatures. God’s wired them to lead and take charge. Sin and the world tell your husbands to be self-sufficient, macho, and ruggedly independent. Admitting they need help or can’t control a situation is like admitting they’re less of a man. Telling your husband to “man-up” or “suck it up buttercup” isn’t going to make him stronger. In fact, telling your husband to be a man when he feels like less than a man is only going to make him feel worse. Imagine what would happen if you quietly prayed for your husband when you sense he’s feeling insecure, or better yet pray with him about it. Your husband needs the reassurance and support to know that he doesn’t have to be Superman, but a man dependent on God for his strength. (Prov. 18:12; 2 Cor. 11:30)
Pray that he’ll praise God in every season of life. This relates to the previous prayer a lot. When life doesn’t go as your husband thought it would, it’s not uncommon for depression to settle into his heart. This can lead to frustration, bitterness, and spiritual apathy. In turn, such feelings can lead him to feel insecure and like less of a man. All of this spirals down into tension and issues for your marriage. When he learns to praise God no matter his situation, he can remain joyous, confidant, and stable in his leading and loving you and your family. Pray that your husband’s joy is sourced in Jesus and that it grows strong in good times so that he’ll be ready for the other times. Your husband needs to learn to praise God no matter what. (1 Sam. 2:2; Psa. 16:8)
Pray that God will transform you into the wife your husband needs. It seems counter-intuitive, but this really is a prayer for your husband. One of the curses on humanity after Adam and Eve’s fall into sin was on the marital relationship (Gen. 3:16). Eve submitted to the serpent rather than her husband, Adam, and Adam submitted to Eve rather than to God. As a result, God cursed the marriage relationship. Wives, on your part, you are cursed to struggle with the desire to dominate your husbands. You want to be the leader of that relationship when it’s not your place to do so. When you constantly harass your husband with quarrels and fret him with minutia it weighs him down, causes him to feel like a failure, and breeds dissatisfaction in your relationship. He feels hen-pecked and nagged and gets irritated with you. When you exhibit tenderness, gentleness, kindness, encouragement, and strength, through Christ, to your husband and create a peaceful home refuge for him from the pressures of the world, then your husband is strengthened and equipped to face the world and desires to be the man of God you need him to be. Pray that God would help you to learn to submit and love your husband as you ought. Your husband needs a wife who embodies what it means to be a good gift from God (Prov. 18:22) and consistently brings him honor (Prov. 12:4).
Husbands, how can you pray for your wives?
Hi guys. Let’s talk openly for a minute. The world says that women are an enigma; that we are too stupid to figure them out and shouldn’t really try. The world says that you and I are ignorant boobs, incapable parents, and emotionally detached monkeys. Yep, guys, we are Al Bundy incarnate. The world also tells us that because of our incompetence and the eternal superiority of the female gender, that we ought to stop trying so hard, get in touch with our feminine side, and hit the cruise button on our marriages and families. If you do that, I guarantee you that Satan will hit you with anger, apathy, bitterness, emotional detachment, and use it to try and destroy your marriage and family. There is a way to recover what the world wants to strip from us. “How? What’s the magic pill?” Easy. Stop trying to figure your wife out and win the game and start praying for her. What you pray, however, is just as important as that you pray. Here are some suggestions.Pray that your wife keeps a tender and faithful heart. Women often feel relational insecurities more intensely than men do. When their foundational relationships with their husbands, children, or other significant members of their lives are out of sync, it can heighten their feelings of insecurity and draw their hearts away from you, their families, and ultimately God. Your wife feels intense pressure to balance all of these relationships well. They are natural peace-keepers, which brings unmeasured pressure on your wife. If you ignore this need in her life, she will be hurt and her relationship with you and your family will suffer. Your wife needs a heart that is constantly refreshed and protected by God – being given new joy, hope, peace, and love – so that she is not tempted to let her heart drift. (Matt. 6:20-21)
Pray that your wife develops Godly wisdom. Wives and mothers juggle a lot in our modern world. I was a stay-at-home dad (never “Mister Mom” – do I look like Michael Keaton? No, no I don’t.) for almost 3 years. You guessed it, I did the dishes, mopped the floors, made the dinners, helped with homework, and made sure the kids were well taken care of, healthy, and happy-ish. My wife worked outside of the home, so attending to what she wanted to with the kids was hard due to her time and energy pressures. So, I have a unique perspective here. Mommy, I’ve walked in your shoes for a while. In our society, there are many women who are able to stay at home; attending to the daily needs of their husbands, children, home-life, etc. But there are many who work outside the home; compounding the pressures of attending to the daily needs of their families with the rigors and expectations of serving an employer and helping to make ends meet. No matter the situation, your wife makes decisions that impact her, you, and your family every day. While you are at work, there are so many things to plan and schedules to juggle it’ll make your head spin. Even now, my wife has the privilege of staying at home. Man, you should see her calendar! She manages my schedule, her schedule, the kids’ schedules, and still has to find time to be the mommy, wife, and woman she wants to be. Yikes! That sounds like a lot of work. It is. Your wife makes decisions every day that impact you, your family, and your home. She may or may not ever share these with you, but if she doesn’t have God’s wisdom in this area of her life, it could be a train wreck. Your wife needs Divine wisdom, discernment, and clarity of thought so she can focus on her daily tasks with grace and poise in Godliness. (Prov. 31:13-27)
Pray that your wife stays healthy and safe. Wives are the God-ordained stabilizing force of the family. The balancing act so many wives undertake on a daily basis often leaves them running on empty at the end of most days. Did you read, guys, the previous paragraph about discernment and wisdom? Go read it again. What your wife juggles both in and out of the home will leave her physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained. This can make your wife prone to sickness, fatigue, higher stress levels, injury, etc. When she’s sick, hurting, or otherwise doesn’t feel well, things just aren’t the same your family. It’s like a vehicle that just isn’t running on all cylinders. When you wife isn’t feeling well, physically, it puts not only external stress on her to continue to take care of you and the family, but a great deal of emotional and mental stress as well. This area can’t be ignored in your prayer life, husbands. Your wife needs an extra measure of strength for the great task God has given her as your family’s stabilizer. (1 Pet. 3:7a)
Pray for your wife’s concerns. Your wife has burdens of the heart, mind, and soul just like you do. When you come home and dump on her all your cares and worries, she takes them and adds them to her list. Your stuff dumps on top of everyone else’s concerns, often leaving her concerns at the bottom of the pile. When was the last time, husbands, you asked your wife if there was anything you could pray for her about – not the kids, the house, or anything else – just her personal concerns? A wise husband asks his wife how he can pray for her and seeks to learn what troubles her in her innermost being, and then takes those concerns to God on her behalf. Your wife needs the reassurance that you care as much about what concerns her as you expect her to care about what concerns you. (1 Pet. 3:7b)
Pray that God will transform you into the husband your wife needs. Part of the Garden curse on marriage was not only that your wife would desire to dominate you, but, because Adam submitted to Eve rather than God, you will want to rule over her and control her rather than partner with her (Gen. 3:16). In essence, part of the curse is that men and women often seek their own separate agendas, and try to force them upon one another, rather than coming together in the unity of purpose God originally intended for the marital relationship. God wants you, husbands, to be a loving leader for your wife like Christ is to the Church (Eph. 5:21-33). He wants you to be self-sacrificing; putting her needs above yours. He wants you to honor her and set her apart like fine China, not use her up like a Dixie Cup. You see, this is where you get to shine as a man. This is where your hardest struggle will be in life and you really have an opportunity to be the man your wife wants you to be. Your armor may be dented and rusty, but if you learn to husband your wife like God wants you to, she’ll see you as her knight in shining armor every day of your life. Praying for yourself in this regard is praying for your wife. Your wife needs a compassionate leader, partner, friend, lover, protector, and provider; not a despot. (1 Pet. 3:8-9)
Parents, how can you pray for your children?
Every Christian parent knows that they ought to pray for their children. Some of us probably do regularly. But, for what do we pray? “God, help little Jimmy to stop picking on his sister so much and learn that the floor in front of his laundry basket is not the same as putting them in his basket. And what, God, is that smell in his room? I mean, come on!” “Dear Jesus, could you please miraculously bring silence to little Susie for just 15 minutes? I really need a break and hiding in the bathroom isn’t working anymore. If you can let Balaam’s donkey talk, I know you can shut my daughter up!” “Jesus, take the wheel, ‘cuz if you don’t I’m gonna drive this minivan into a tree!” Ok, I admit we’ve all had “those days.” I think, as parents, too many of us aren’t praying the right things for our children. Here’s some suggestions.Pray that your children will enter into a relationship with Jesus (salvation) at the earliest age possible. Your children are sinners by birth and choice and, just like you, need salvation through Jesus alone. A lifetime given to God is so much better than just an adulthood or assuming they’ll catch it or figure it out from watching you. They might just catch the kind of Christianity you don’t want them to catch. Your children need Jesus. (Matt. 19:13-15)
Pray that your children will grow in Christlikeness and obedience to Jesus throughout their lives. The goal of Christian parenting isn’t to raise good citizens, but Godly, faithful adults. Our job isn’t just to raise children who can hold down a job and get out of your house, it’s preparing them to be men and women of immense faith and service to God through Christ. Your children need to know what it is to live for God through the power of the Holy Spirit. (Matt. 22:37-39)
Pray that your children will exercise wisdom and Godly priorities in their intimate relationships; particularly marriage. Relationship choices have life-long impacts on everyone. Kids, particularly teens, are hardwired for drama. Do they really need the life-shattering drama of 500 relationships / break-ups before they’re 18? Let’s face it, most teenagers have all the emotional stability and wisdom of a bowl of Jell-O. How you lead and pray for your children in this regard impacts their future lives and the legacy are leaving for you and for their children. Your children need to know the importance of developing Godly relationships and marrying a Godly person. (2 Cor. 6:14)
Pray that your children’s thoughts will be pure. So many things assault your children’s minds – regardless of their age – that it’s difficult to remain pure. Facebook, Twitter, Snap Chat, Instagram, and other social media outlets are just not where you want your children to learn to think, let alone think purely (not that much deep thought goes on in social media). You can’t monitor everything that comes into your children’s minds, no matter how hard you try. Oh sure, you could lock them in a sensory deprivation chamber, but I’m pretty sure at some point you’re going to go to jail if you do. The hard truth is; our children are going to be assaulted by impurity in this world. Your children need to learn to think God’s thoughts after Him. (Phil. 4:8)
Pray that your children would live on mission. The Gospel mission isn’t unique to parents or older adults. Our children can have a rich, vibrant, deep, and bountiful Gospel witness in their relational worlds – maybe more than you do in yours. Children are naturally unencumbered by stereotypes and bigotry (they learn that from parents mainly). They have a wonderful opportunity to reach their worlds for Jesus if we teach and encourage them to do so. Imagine the impact your children could have as adults if they learned that the Christian life isn’t about going to church and getting something out of it, but about being the Church and engaging their lost worlds for Jesus! Your children need to catch the desire to live on mission and make it part of the very fabric of their lives. (Matt. 28:18-20)
Children, how can you pray for your parents?
We don’t often think about praying for our parents. I know, I really didn’t give it much thought as a kid. Oh, sure, I’d pray that Dad would change his mind or stop being upset with me. I remember praying at one point that Dad would not come home on time, but that was because my chores weren’t done, so I don’t think that really counts. Typically, we don’t teach our children to pray for us, but we should. They need to see that Dad and Mom are human, that we make mistakes, and that we have needs. Teaching our children to pray for us teaches them faith and normalizes prayer in their young Christian experiences.Pray that your parents would have the right perspective. Pray that they would keep an eternal focus and would prioritize those things that God says are important. Ask God to give them wisdom and discernment in their dealings with you and with one another. Your parents need God’s wisdom in order to make your family work the way God designed it to work. (Psa. 90:12; Micah 6:8)
Pray that your parents would have a positive, cheerful attitude. Ask God to give your parents a positive, cheerful outlook. Pray that the fruit of His Spirit would be evident in their lives, and that they would model the attitude of Christ Jesus. Your parents need to learn to rely on Jesus for their joy. (Prov. 17:22; Galatians 5:22-23;Phil. 2:3-5)
Pray that God would bless your parents’ relationship. Pray that their marriage would be characterized by an abiding, self-sacrificing love and a deep, heartfelt respect for one another. Let’s face it. If your parents’ marriage explodes, you’re going to get hit by the emotional shrapnel. Your parents need help to strengthen their marriage. (Eph. 5:21-33)
Pray that your parents would have energy. Parenting is hard work! Pray that God would refresh and rejuvenate your mom and dad. Ask Him to renew their strength and replenish their energy. Pray that they would not grow weary in serving God, but would persevere to the end and finish strong. Your parents need God’s daily strength. (Isa. 40:28-31; Gal. 6:9-10; 2 Thess. 3:13)
Pray that God would provide your parents’ needs. Ask God to bless them abundantly, beyond all they ask or think, and that they would serve as an open channel of blessings to others. Quite selfishly, your parents are generally your source of income. I’d pray hard about this one! Your parents need God’s provision. (Phil. 4:19)
Pray that your parents would have a vibrant Gospel testimony. Ask God to reward them with a good name among those who know them so that they might be salt and light in their community, and that the love of Christ would shine through them to a lost and dying world. Life isn’t about you, kiddo. It’s about living on mission – the Gospel mission into which God has called and commanded every believer to engage. Your parents need a bigger vision for reaching their worlds for Jesus. (Matt. 5:13-14)
Pray that God would teach them security. Pray that your parents would recognize God as the source of their security. When your family life is a tense, let alone an outright mess, your parents can easily get insecure and doubt. Ask Him to do a work in their hearts, conforming them to the image of Christ and that they would earnestly seek after wisdom. Your parents need the reassurance and security only God can provide. (Rom. 12:2; Prov. 3:23)
Siblings, how can you pray for each other?
This one’s a biggie! I have 2 older brothers. We didn’t always get along. We fought, argued, did stuff to each other, messed with each other, and did all the things brothers do to one another. I have 3 children. Guess what? They don’t always get along. They do all the things siblings do to each other. “Oh Dave, that’s normal. You’re making more out of this than there is.” Sibling angst is somewhat normal. Yet, if you heard the number of people who have come into my office over the years and told me about strained relationships with their siblings, you might see it differently. As a parent, I can’t solve my children’s every problem with their siblings – and probably shouldn’t anyway. As a brother, I need to realize the startling truth. If God sees fit, I will outlive my parents. When my parents are enjoying the blessedness of eternity with Jesus, my brothers and I will be here living our lives. If our relationships with one another are strained or non-existent, what kind of family will we have? When they’re gone, we will only have each other. Here are some suggestions for praying for your sibling relationships.Pray that you would appreciate each other’s differences. Like I said, I have 2 brothers and 3 children. Guess what? Growing up, my brothers and I didn’t get this well, and my children are trying to learn it. Each of us is unique. We have unique talents, abilities, emotions, personalities, etc. Sometimes siblings only see differences as annoyances rather than learning to value how their brothers or sisters are different than they are. They get jealous when a sibling outshines or out-performs them in a given task rather than learning to celebrate their sibling’s success and vice-versa. We need to pray that God would help us to see our siblings’ strengths and celebrate them for who they are. Your siblings need you to appreciate them for who God has created them to be.
Pray that you would support each other through life’s struggles. Like it or not, sibling relationships are for a lifetime. You can’t unbrother or unsister your siblings like you unfriend people on Facebook. Like I said above, Mom and Dad will not always be there for you to lean on. When they’re gone, you will need your siblings. Praying that God helps you to deepen your sibling relationships is worth the time it takes to do so. Your siblings need to know that they have you as part of their built-in support system.
Pray that you would undergird each other’s faith. Sometimes, siblings know each other better than parents know their children. Siblings are natural confidants. Siblings often have the permission to ask the tough questions and call each other on the emotional façade and spiritual junk we all have more so than anyone else. This opens the opportunity for siblings to speak God’s truth into each other’s lives and build up each other’s faith in a unique way that no one else, not even parents, can do. We need to pray for one another spiritually in this regard. Your siblings need you to help build up their faith not tear it down.
Pray that you would get along with one another’s spouses. My wife has a picture from my senior year in high school. We’d been dating a year by then. My oldest brother took it right before graduation. On the back it reads, “David and girlfriend.” Don’t get me wrong, my brother loves my wife – maybe more than he does me – but at the time he’d not bothered to learn her name. When my middle brother began dating I was just a kid (there’s 8 years between us). I hated it. He went from buddy to annoying, hormonal crackpot overnight. I resented every girl he brought home. When I was wanting to play G.I. Joe with my brother, he was more interested in splashing on the Aqua Velva for his date (Don’t hate. It was the ‘70s.). God says that when a man and woman marry, they become one flesh. That’s as it should be. Our spouses ought to be the most important relationship of our lives after Christ. But that doesn’t negate the truth that you are part of a family, with history and a sibling bond that shouldn’t be ignored. When we marry, we marry into one another’s families. It’s important that we learn to get along with our siblings’ spouses or else our relationship will suffer. Praying for family unity – even with the in-laws – is important moving forward. Your siblings need you to love and accept their spouses like part of the family.
The family is under great attack from our Enemy today. He wants to destroy what God has established and blessed. Sure, many Christians pray for their families. But are we praying the right things? These suggestions aren’t exhaustive, but I pray that they get us moving in the right direction. No family is perfect, not even Christian families. Saturate your family with prayer and watch what God can do!
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